Race Report – 2024 Trans Baviaans – The race

I knew it was going to be a long ride in the dark setting out because my partner, who is usually a stronger rider than I am, was spectacularly undertrained. Predictably we made excellent time to the first climb and then we didn’t anymore.

I will say this for my friend – the man knows how to suffer. He was variously, in his own words, “moer toe”, “in my moer”, “completely f@#d.”, “had enough now” and “… actually doing quite well on the downhills”.

We crossed the line in 14 and change but you must know just how “moer toe” you are when the Mamil is pushing you up the never-ender.

It was his fifth one.

I told everyone it’s not such a great achievement and that I deserve credit for the 5th one but he just said jealousy makes you nasty, reminded me that he’d waited for me on Bergplaas last year when I ate too many sosatie wors and told me to ‘vlieg in my m#$r'”

Our support driver just shook his head and told us we were idiots.

Then the “3 stooges do Transbaviaans” movie started.

We realized that we hadn’t told the guest house we were checking in late and the kind lady who runs the place had left a message at midnight and then gone to bed. Doorbell unresponsive, phone not being answered.

We were headed out of town to change out of bibs at the Shell garage and “just sommer drive home” when someone remembered the control point boxes.

At 2am we were parked on the field at the finish venue contemplating sleeping in the car when a phone call to the very larney sounding Savoy hotel put us in a 6 sleeper single room with breakfast included.

On the way there my bike dondered off the bike rack and smashed the carbon handlebar and the brake lever.

I shrugged my shoulders.

There’s a curious peace that descends when you reach the lowest point of the curve. You can’t fall off the floor so now you can relax and just let the experience take you.

Someone stopped and asked if we were OK in the way we all do when what we mean is “Jammer om van jou kak to hoor”.

J-bay at 2:45 at the Savoy hotel is not pretty. A batch of hardened barflies who were also “moer toe” were being gently escorted out of the lobby by a very friendly bouncer who was actually making sure they DIDN’T fall down the stairs.

Friendly staff opened a room to leave the bikes in, something I would normally be anxious about but now didn’t give a hoot about (cf previous comments about the floor and not falling off”).

Then two of the stooges were congratulating themselves for opening a beer by using the edge of the medal before the support crew stooge said “This medal is actually a bottle opener, what is wrong with you people?”

I almost wet myself laughing.

Half an hour later I was lying on the bottom of one of 3 bunk beds in the room, between two of the worst snorers on the garden route, reminding myself not to sit up too quickly and smack myself “moer toe” on the wooden planks 18 inches above me where a split in one of them suggested that I wouldn’t be the first one.

There and then I vowed to myself that my next transvaviaans will be part of a week long garden route holday,